Not My Will

This Easter, I have had the privilege of participating in a riveting stage production centered on the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ called SHEPHERD OF LOVE. The story closely follows the scriptural account of Jesus' birth, ministry, miracles, betrayal, crucifixion,and resurrection. Having been exposed to this story for many years, it is easy for me to gloss over certain aspects of who Jesus really was and what He actually experienced for me. There is one particular part of this account that has begun to consume me: the prayer of Jesus as He struggled in horrific agony in the garden before He was led away to be murdered for us. His humble and submissive declaration of, "Not My Will, but Thy Will" in the midst of facing the most gruesome torture to pay for my crimes is beyond my capacity to process. But the phrase is sinking into my spirit as I am facing some potentially critical issues in my own personal life. I want things to be comfortable and happy. I want everything to be peaceful and calm. I want...I want...But what does GOD want? What is HIS "want" for me? Quite often, the paths He calls me to walk are the polar opposite of the colors I work so hard to use to paint my life. He chooses difficulty, while I scream out for ease. He calls me to walk through loss, while I work feverishly at times to hold on desperately to how things are. In my spirit, I want to humbly say, "Not my will, but Thy Will, be done." And sometimes in my life, I sincerely offer up that same prayer. Sometimes in my life, though, I find myself fighting and grasping to keep control of how I see I want my life to be. And yet God my Father continues to work out His best in my life, even though His best doesn't always come packaged the way I want it to. My only recourse is to utter the words my Lord did, knowing that our Father always DOES know and do what is best: "Not my will, but Thy Will, be done." Amen.

If you think of me, maybe you can ask God to help me to continue submitting to Him. Maybe you can join me as we bow to His Will.

Just Another Manic Monday

Ah....the Monday of Dress Rehearsal Week. This week, my high school theater department will have our Dress Rehearsals for our upcoming production of THE KING AND I. For those of you who have never been in a high school stage production, you surely have missed out on an experience soon not be forgotten: relentless hours of toiling to correct endless lists of technical challenges, cast members who choose to spazz and go Diva on you, endless and needless delays that you prepare for months to avoid but happen anyway, lost keys, late parents, broken set pieces (of course which are BORROWED from other theater groups), ripped zippers on- you got it- borrowed costume pieces, students who flit back and forth beyond your wildest imagination (but who can never seem to be at the place they should be for their set changes), skipped meals, unwanted visitors who want to get in on the "fun" backstage...the "fun" seems endless.

But then, miraculously, Opening Night comes and sets begin to move smoothly between scenes, actors actually project, become their characters, and tell the story you've been drumming into their heads for months, props appear out of nowhere for the first time at the right time, cast members actually are quiet backstage, and audiences again are moved by seeing their children become Story Tellers who take them to places impossible to visit in real life. They are touched by the truths their Story Tellers reveal and discreetly wipe away tears of pride and joy as they see their Story Tellers bow in recognition of their months of effort. They suddenly no longer resent the director who demanded so much of their Story Tellers and actually smile and speak warmly to the director in the thrill of the afterglow of a successful production (although earlier that week the director's picture had been drawn with horns on his head and was riddled with dart holes). The Story Tellers experience the thrill of goal-setting, endurance, persistance, and success, and realize that anything in life worthwhile demands our very best effort for a long time.

And the director gets to go home to his wife!

Appointments

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven."
Eccesiastes 3:1

Appointments. We all make them, keep them, break them, forget to keep them. The difference with God is that once He makes appointments, they simply are NOT broken. This week, two divine appointments hit me like a ton of bricks.

The first divine appointment came to me quite unexpectedly as I was performing hall duty at school. While watching red-clad gang members streaming by me noisily on their way to first period, one of my theater students came to me with a panicked look on her face. She asked me if she could speak to me privately. "Oh, no!" I thought selfishly. "She's going to drop out of our show (which is in 2 weeks)." As it turned out, she handed me a copy of an e-mail written by another student of mine, with whom I have worked hard to cultivate a positive relationship. The email
was a plea for me to get her some help with her secret eating disorder, which was consuming her and making her consider some drastic options.
After I made the necessary arrangements for the help she so richly deserved, I realized that had not I been diligent to shower this student with God's kindness, she would not have felt that she could have approached me for help, which could have led to disastrous results for her health (and possibly her life). I was overwhelmed with the fact that God has indeed placed me exactly where He wants me to be, that His appointment for me at my school was truly His Will. Talk about being humbled. I grew teary when I considered His Grace in this situation. Please be in prayer for this student. God truly intervened on her part to spare her life. We need to intercede for her.

The second divine appointment took on a very different form. A friend of our family, only 35 years old, passed away unexpectedly after suffering complications from medication he had been taking for several years. His wife, 27 years old, is now left with a grief beyond imagination after sharing just four years of marriage with her husband. God's appointments are not suppressed by our earthly construct of justice and equity. His Ways shatter our notions of what should and should not happen.

He spares one and calls another home. He heals some and allows others to walk through horrendous suffering and loss. He loves all of us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) and yet He maintains His right to order our lives.

He is GOD. And we are not.