Over the recent weeks, I have come to a personal revelation. For many years, I have looked at missionaries who have visited our church or have written me and have sighed deeply with regret or remorse as I considered my lack of mission experience. I watch the heart-tugging videos that are played at my church during the offering which compel us to "go into all the world...." I see the missions displays in the church lobby with the intriguing color photographs of sites around the globe that beckon believers to boldly go. I read the announcement in our bulletin about the upcoming meetings for those called to participate in the multitude of mission trips currently being planned by our church. I read articles online about the draining but inspiring real-life experiences that are endured by many faithful missionaries who are on the frontlines around the world, working to spread God's love to a hurting and decaying world. "Ah", I think to myself. "The crowns those brave warriors must surely be accumulating for the Kingdom of God...."
And then I go to work. I teach at a gang-ridden, violent and grafitti-worn high school bursting at the seams with an inner-city student population, many of whom only attend school so that they can participate in the rampant drug trade that funds their lives of crime, profanity, rampant promiscuity, and hyper-violence. My school has even earned the reputation as being a mecca for high school lesbians, some of whom have now brazenly formed their own gang, replete with bright orange shirts declaring their lifestyle and defiantly daring anyone to challenge their "rights" to public same-sex demonstrations of "affection". Students are arrested weekly for gang fights, which often stir sudents up to a level close to a riot. The use of the "f-bomb"among my students is such a regular occurence that my ears are no longer shocked at its casual and continual utterance. In case you think I exaggerate about the state of my school, just ask my daughter Rachel, who used to teach at the same school I do. She will sadly but quickly confirm all of this. And God, in His wisdom, has sovereignly placed me right in the middle of all of this. In all honesty, I have tried to undo His placement a few times with job opportunities at more affluent safer schools, but I realized with humility and sobriety that God has actually called me to serve Him and advance His Kingdom at this school. So I walked away from my attempt to undo His Will.
And so I get into my beat-up, tiny little thirteen-year old car (I don't dare drive anything nicer to school, as I risk vandalism) with no sound system and a film of mold on my dash board that won't go away and drive to my school. Maybe there will be a broken heart that needs a listening ear. Maybe there will be a student who desperately needs me to affirm their need to belong. Maybe there will be a student whose mother threw her out (again) and who is sleeping on her aunt's sofa. Maybe there will be a student who needs a place to go during lunch because the rejection and taunting that awaits them in the cafeteria is just too much to bear that day. Or maybe there will be another fight, another string of f-bombs, another student violently resisting any attempts of mine to get them to behave in a reasonable and civilized way in class. Whatever my Heavenly Father allows to come to me, I will get in my little car and go back to my school. Because I just HAVE to.
So some go to Nepal (Rachel), some to Equador (Christy), and others to other corners of the earth to proclaim God's love. I go to my school, only twelve minutes away. May God see fit to use me to show broken students that He is Who He said He is. May they see Christ in me, the hope of glory.
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6 comments:
AMEN!!!
Wow, you have a way with words! You described northern in a way I never could.
All I can say is think of the students who see you after graduation and THANK YOU for not giing up on them. To be a loving and positive male in the lives of these students is such a gift to them. You know as well as I do that fathers are most often not around. You might be the only good male role model they have.
I also have to say that I hear an awful lot of mission talk from you guys lately. Maybe this IS something you can do too!
The call is to be LIGHT in the darkness,
HOPE to the hopeless,
and LIFE for the dying.
You are all of these, but perhaps the Lord will give you the opportunity to get out of what's familiar (even if it is horrible!)
and experience His Grace in a New Way...
The few short term mission trips I have taken to remote places have changed my perspective on life completely. HE didn't call me to live somewhere else, just GO watch Him do what He does best~ and in the process, allow Him to heal me from the fears that have prevented me from fulfilling my destiny.
Yes you are a light in that dark school, but perhaps He would want His Light in you to shine abroad, as well?
Just a thought...
Does it have to be an either/or thing?
Kenny, You and Janice have much to offer broken hearted people.
God has much to offer you -
as you "step out of the boat". The waves and storms are real, but He is Master of all of it.:)
love you, Tia
Dad, this brought tears to my eyes. When you started talking about missions, I knew that I'd comment about how you're school is your mission field. But then you beat me to it! Those kids need a positive male role model, even if they fight you all the way. Someday, if they end up in prison, or somewhere 'at the bottom' with no where to go, YOU will be the one they call for help.
I'm reminded of the parable of the sower. someone has to rip up all of the weeds, another has to prepare the soil, still another has to actually plant the seed. Then there is someone who has to water it, and someone else eventually will see the fruit of all of the laborers work. I'm guessing that in your school, you won't see much of the fruit, but just know that you are indeed doing what God called you to do!!
I was also about to comment about your missions field. As someone who has always been called more to Local Missions I am so glad you recognize the opportunity you have in your school and your community. I imagine in that environment it often feels like you are making no impact. Know that you have such a genuine love that emanates from you that people can not help but feel that. I loved teachers that expected nothing less than the best from me because they respected me when I didn't respect myself. They are the ones I remember.
I was never interested in crawling across the four corners of the earth to convince people to live life a certain way...to me it always seemed to make more sense to help and encourage (and in your case, witness) to those closest to me. So many times we think that need is in some third world country, when the biggest need in the world could be right next door. I bet you're more of an inspiration than you even imagine. *hugs*
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